Language Shift in Parenting: From Threats to Accountability

Are threats like “if you don’t stop, you’ll get TV taken away” not working? Do you feel like you are constantly throwing out punishments and then having to go back on your word? I can’t tell you how many times we used this in our house. And when they don’t work the frustration only builds. 

I’m here to tell you that these types of punishments or threats don’t work with kids with executive functioning challenges. 

These kids struggle with: 

• Organization
• Impulse control
• Regulating behavior
• Processing information

Using punishment as a form of discipline doesn't address the underlying issue and fails to help them develop their executive functioning skills.

Instead of using these types of punishments, I want to help you move from a reactive parenting approach to a proactive one. Know that this does not mean that you shouldn't hold your kiddo accountable. We want to teach our kids that they are accountable for their actions and use natural consequences as often as possible. 

Changing our threats to accountability is as simple as switching up the language we use. Instead of saying: “ If you don’t stop, you’ll lose TV,” say “ If you choose to keep yelling, you’re choosing to not watch TV.” 

See the difference?

A simple shift in language allows your child to take responsibility for themself. And when your kiddo makes the right decision, give them praise. Notice the choice they made. 

They are so used to hearing about everything they do wrong. By using positive reinforcement, you can boost their self-esteem, strengthen your relationship, and reduce arguing.

So start eliminating threats and give your kiddo the responsibility to choose their actions. And remember, if they choose to continue with the undesired behavior stay consistent with the consequences.